Your friend has found love…but is it in the wrong place?
It was bound to happen at some stage that your friend would start dating someone, but you didn’t think that this someone would be the type of someone she would end up with.
Why on earth would she hang out with someone so wrong for her? How do you tell her without it affecting your friendship? Is it worth ruining her relationship if she is happy? Are you feeling jealous that you have to share your friend with someone new? These are all questions you need to work through before talking to your friend about your thoughts.
Why do you think your friend is dating the wrong person?
She’s changed and not the person she always has been
It’s quite common to make some changes to yourself when dating someone new. We have to accommodate new likes and interests and sometimes get involved in those interests to spend time together. However if you are worried that your friend is behaving badly to accommodate her new love interest, it might be time to chat to her about it.
He/she is doing stuff behind your friend’s back
Is your friend’s new love interest doing something detrimental behind your friend’s back? Cheating, bad mouthing, taking drugs or involved in illegal behaviour is not acceptable in your opinion. If you think she needs to know, you may be seen as the messenger who has delivered the bad news turning her whole world upside down. She may end up blaming you affecting your long term friendship. You might need to throw into the conversation “would you want to know if X was doing something behind your back?” If she answers 100% yes then the door is open to have a sensitive chat.
He/she is abusive and makes your friend miserable
If you can see your friend is being abused by her new relationship, it is definitely time to say something. There is no excuse ever for physical, mental or verbal abuse no matter what the situation. From a young age, we learn our behaviours. If you accept certain behaviours now, then you will accept them in your adult life. Speak up and say something if you feel your friend is in danger.
You’re jealous that she spends more time with their new boyfriend/girlfriend
You have been inseparable for years but now someone has come in and taken your friend away from you. The private chats, weekend outings or the daily phone calls are gone as her focus is now on someone else. Try to lock in quality time each week that is just for you both. Her focus may be on the new partner whilst the relationship is new, but you will find more time is freed up as the relationship goes on.
Your friendship is very important but boyfriends/girlfriends do tend to take priority during the early stages of forming a new relationship.
If you are feeling neglected or your feelings about their new partner warrant speaking to her about it, try not to get angry. She will want you to support her decisions no matter how bad you think they are. Try to think about how you can convey your feelings and concerns without making her feel like she is making wrong decisions. Your friendship can survive a new romance….but a bad romance is something you will need to approach with caution.